Monday, October 12, 2015

How to be a Net Nerd

By Christopher Rice

Sheldon has an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187. (CBS)

Sheldon has an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187. (CBS)

It's real easy to be a net nerd. Here's some simple steps to get you started:

1.) If you've been on the internet so long that you know what Geo sites from the 80's were than you're pry a net nerd.

2.) If you belong to more than one of the following, Reddit, Instagram, Twitter, Google+, any Dating sites, if you belong to any political organizations like Anonymous, you're a net nerd.

3.) If you spend more time on the net than you do outdoors than you're pry a net nerd.

4.) If you live in your mothers basement and play video games all day, and your over sixteen years old, you're just a loser, no excuse.

5.) If criticizing everyone around you somehow makes you feel superior and better than everyone else than you're just an asshole, 'nuff said.

6.) Check your last ten internet comments and if more than half of them are negative meaning the only time that you grow any balls is when you're online, you are definitely a net nerd.

Don't fear. There is hope for you. First thing you must do is shut off your computer and go outside. No, WAIT, put on some clothes first. I don't want you getting arrested for indecent exposure. Sure, it's a big scary world out there, full of greedy, ugly people, I won't lie but don't be paralyzed by fear.

Now get dressed and get out of here. Life awaits you, it's big, it's beautiful and some times it gets messy but those are memories that one day you will cherish. Live life, it's the only one that you will ever get.

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